The Rom-Com Collection: The Plus One, Something for the Weekend, A Marriage of Connivance Read online

  ‘We don’t have anything to say to each other, Charlie. I don’t get your sense of humour at all. We just fancy each other. And you ask me to lunch with your parents? What the bloody hell were you thinking? We could never be serious. How did you not realise that?’

  It had been absolutely brutal. Charlie had tried to make her case. She’d told Lucy that she firmly believed that the chemistry they had was the basis on which they could build something real. And yes, maybe they didn’t have an enormous amount in common, but…

  But no. Lucy didn’t agree with any of that. And toward the end of the fourth day of maudlin reflection, Charlie started to think that that was Lucy’s stupidity. If she couldn’t see what was right there, then she didn’t deserve Charlie anyway. An hour after that, Charlie’s tears told a different story. But an hour after that, Charlie’s merry-go-round of mental misery was replaced with a sudden and terrible realisation. The wedding.

  Charlie had told her entire family that she’d met the perfect woman and would be bringing that perfection to the wedding. The embarrassment Charlie felt when she thought of how she’d trumpeted this new love, it was white hot. And now she was going to have to turn up alone to the big day and explain that she’d been dumped, yet again. She could picture Maddie’s face as she tried to explain. She wouldn’t be outright pleased, of course not. Her sister loved her and she knew that. But Maddie had implied that Charlie was prone to jumping into relationships too soon and when it turned out she was right, part of her wouldn’t be able to stop herself from feeling superior about it. It would be a very quiet gloating. She would never say ‘I told you so’ outright. But Charlie would see something behind her eyes that said it for her. The thought of that look, that subtle little triumphant flicker in Maddie’s eyes… No, that was one wedding gift that Charlie would not give her.

  And from there, Charlie’s thoughts turned to schemes. How to get out of this headlock she was stuck in? Her first thought was to lie and say that Lucy was ill. But the more she considered it, the more transparent she knew that lie would be. She considered making the sickness of an embarrassing nature, to hide the lie inside an awkward admission. But Charlie instinctively knew that Maddie would still see straight through it. She was sharper than that, unfortunately. Lucy happens to come down with gushing diarrhoea the day of the wedding? No, she thought. Not gonna cut it.

  Once she dismissed that idea, she considered trying to get another date. It might be possible. She could make some inquiries of friends, find a single girl pretty quickly if needed, one amenable to the idea of going to such a big event. But as a first date? That thought made it seem less likely. But she would have given it a shot if not for some other holes in that plan. Because once introductions were made, Maddie would say ‘Nice to meet you (insert name), but what happened to Lucy?’ Oh Christ, Charlie bemoaned, why did she have to stamp Lucy’s name onto everyone’s brain so indelibly?

  The third idea Charlie had was the most ludicrous. What if she simply found someone called Lucy to come to the wedding? After considering that for all of ten seconds, even Charlie had to laugh. Maybe there was a one percent chance that some girl called Lucy could be found and convinced to come to her sister’s wedding. But Maddie wasn’t just going to say hi and bye. No, she’d want to get to know Charlie’s serious girlfriend and then it would all fall apart. She’d know this was not the serious girlfriend Lucy, but a fresh Lucy.

  And with that, Charlie was smack out of ideas.

  Ten days later, and life was returning to normal for Charlie. She’d been taking training sessions again and she was able to leave the house, smelling if not amazing, then at least neutral. Part of her would have liked to linger further at the pity party, but she was being forcibly ejected by the bouncer that was real life. It was the final bridesmaid dress fitting before the wedding. There was no getting out of it. Charlie still didn’t have a solution to her problem but she was pinning her hopes on finding a moment of genius at the moment she needed it, necessity being the mother of invention. It wasn’t really a plan that had ever worked out for Charlie before, but she had an optimism borne of denial and laziness: a potent combination.

  At the dress shop, Maddie was in a cheery mood as the seamstress took her dress in slightly. No doubt the recipe of slight weight loss with the added free glasses of cheap fizz that were being placed in her hand by the maid of honour, Maddie’s best friend Paige, were bringing the mood in the room up considerably.

  Charlie watched them for a moment from the doorway, making mildly smutty jokes about the honeymoon and sniggering like school girls. Charlie’s eyes narrowed as she watched Paige laugh with her head thrown back. Sure, Paige had never been anything but nice to Charlie. But what did that ever have to do with hating someone?

  Just as Charlie was trying to come up with some legitimate reasons to dislike Paige (perpetually perfect hair wasn’t quite cutting it), Maddie turned and spotted her.

  ‘Oi, slowcoach, you’re late. The rest of the bridesmaids have already gone. Hey, what’s wrong?’

  Charlie was taken aback by the immediate mood read from her sister.

  ‘What? Nothing. I’m… awesome.’

  Maddie’s eyebrows went up at the hyperbolic word choice. Charlie realised she needed to dial it back a bit if she was going to get through this day without the spotlight pointing at her.

  ‘I mean, I’m fine.’

  Luckily, Maddie was mildly drunk and accepted Charlie’s declaration at face value.

  ‘Alright, well get in here then and get your dress on.’

  Charlie shuffled in, not looking forward to putting the dress on again. It wasn’t a bad one per se, it was just a bad colour on Charlie. As she looked in the mirror at the light pink creation, it was exactly like every other time she’d worn it. It washed her pale complexion out completely. Charlie had the uncharacteristically mean idea that maybe Maddie had picked it knowing full well what would happen. It was a fleeting thought. Charlie and Maddie had their moments, but Maddie would never do something so outright malicious. There were three other bridesmaids to be considered, Charlie realised, and they were a varied bunch. There was unlikely to be an outfit created that could enhance the looks of such a totally disparate group. She’d simply lost the lottery.

  Logic and compassion aside, Charlie wanted to burn the peach monster.

  ‘Hey, you look great’ lied Paige.

  ‘Thanks’ Charlie replied through gritted teeth.

  Maddie turned to consider Charlie in her dress. Charlie tried to look as through she felt good in it. Maddie saw though it straight away.

  ‘You hate it, don’t you?’

  ‘No, no, no…’

  ‘It’s alright. It’s my fault. I should have realised this dress wouldn’t be your cup of tea.’

  Charlie shrugged. She was right and they both knew it. The dress didn’t look right on her.

  ‘Look, I don’t need all my bridesmaids to be wearing identical dresses if they don’t like them. We’ll find you something else.’

  ‘Maddie, how many of those have you had? It’s a week till D-day and you want to make a decision like this on a whim? Don’t be insane. I’ll be fine in this.’

  Maddie sighed.

  ‘No, I’ve decided. You wear what you want. Yeah, sure, it’s my wedding day but it’s not just about me. Everyone should get to enjoy the day.’

  Charlie was touched. Her sister, even in the midst of her pressure cooker wedding countdown, was putting Charlie’s feelings first. She sighed. She couldn’t carry on this charade. It was time to be honest about Lucy.

  ‘Listen, Maddie-’

  Paige suddenly broke into the moment, crying out at something she’d spotted on her phone.

  ‘Maddie, you are not going to believe this. Jane’s ‘boyfriend’ isn’t coming. She’s cancelling her plus one.’

  Jane was one of the bridesmaids. Maddie turned to Paige with fury.

  ‘Now?’

  ‘Yeah, they broke up apparently.’
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br />   ‘Christ! She knows full well there’s a budget for this wedding and everybody that attends costs money that could be spent on the honeymoon. And she’d been seeing that guy for all of two minutes before she invited him.’

  Maddie put her glass down with a crack. The seamstress pulled back quickly, pin in mouth, sensing a bridal meltdown.

  ‘And it’s not just the money, it’s seating charts that are buggered up as well. Typical. So bloody self-involved. I don’t have time for this today!’

  Charlie watched her sister’s tantrum and the thought of telling her that her own plus one had also quit the scene was discarded entirely. This was the first time she’d realised that this wasn’t just about her embarrassment. She was causing a problem for her sister that could turn some serious anger and resentment her way. She was going to have to find a fix for this. And quick.

  That night found Charlie desperately trawling the internet for five hours straight. She’d googled ‘date hire’ but all that came up with were thinly-veiled sex worker ads. And she didn’t think that what she was asking for would quite come into their job description. Then she tried ‘how do I hire a date that is not a prostitute’ but unfortunately, there was no Yahoo answers page for that.

  At one in the morning, Charlie was at the end of her tether. She typed ‘Hire someone to pretend to be my girlfriend for a wedding.’ She hit enter with a slightly hysterical laugh. She expected a string of completely useless search results to fill the page. And for the most part, that’s exactly what she got. But as she scrolled down the page hopelessly, she saw an advertisement on the side bar for a company called ‘Rent-a-Date’.

  ‘Weddings. Parties. Company socials. Just about any social gathering can make you feel awkward when you’re single. But you don’t need to feel that way. We can provide you with someone who can help. Someone who won’t just look good on your arm at your event, someone who can be everything you’d want a partner to be. Our experienced actors can steer you through the social storm.’

  My god. It was exactly what she needed. Charlie was amazed. You really could find anything on the internet if you looked hard enough. She sent up a quick thanks to the gods of WiFi and clicked on the site.

  Fifteen minutes later, she’d perused the website and had the details. Girlfriends and boyfriends, husbands and wives, any type of romantic relationship was just a casting call away from being filled for a social occasion, large or small. But it wasn’t as simple as filling in a booking form, they wanted you to come into the office to get some details in person so they could tailor you to a suitable ‘girlfriend’, one who would be able to fit your specific needs. They also needed to take some details that the actress could memorise, a few facts that could be whipped out if needed, to give richness and authenticity to the performance.

  Charlie filled in her contact details and requested a call-back to arrange an appointment with the company. That night, she slept the sleep of the content, sure that this company could save her from the stupid mess she’d gotten herself in. And all for a hopefully affordable price.

  Chapter Three

  Charlie stood outside the office of ‘Rent-a-Date’ and tried to casually look in. She was ten minutes early and was still deciding if she was really going in.

  The confidence she’d felt in this plan only twelve hours ago was long gone, dissipating with the morning light. She woke up wondering if she had suffered a bout of temporary insanity the night before. Now, hovering at the door of ‘Rent-a-Date’, she was absolutely positive she had. What had she been thinking? The idea of hiring an actress to play Lucy was absolutely crazy. There was no way she was going to be able to pull it off.

  Yet she didn’t leave. Something, pride possibly, held her in place. This was insane, yes. But was there a chance it might work? That she’d be saved an embarrassing conversation that could become a row, a potential wedding day ruining one at that. The thought was enough to push her through the double doors. It couldn’t hurt to hear their pitch. And if it still seemed nuts, she could just say ‘thanks but no thanks’ and go and eat ice cream in the square.

  Ten minutes later, she was sitting with Gary in his office, a surprisingly plush room. Charlie had had half an idea that this company would be a bit ramshackle, a niche little place. But from what she’d seen as she’d travelled through reception and along the corridor to Gary’s office, the place was large and busy. It seemed business was good at Rent-a-Date.

  Gary, a natty little man in his sixties with a soothing voice, had done the preliminary beverage offering and was now looking at the information she’d given on the form last night.

  ‘I’m guessing this is your first time using a service like ours?’

  Charlie raised an eyebrow.

  ‘I didn’t know until yesterday there was such a thing as a service like yours.’

  Gary smiled.

  ‘You’d be surprised. It’s a growth industry. Started in Japan. There’s a lot of pressure there for people to be successful and that pressure gets worse at social gatherings. Gaps show up. So people started hiring actors to play their partners at some of their events so that they didn’t have to feel judged by others. Of course, they shouldn’t have to. Being single isn’t a failing. But that doesn’t mean that society won’t make you feel like it is. And it turns out Japanese people aren’t the only people who suffer with that issue. It’s a problem for people here too. And that’s where we come in.’

  ‘And here comes the hard sell…’ said Charlie.

  Gary cackled to himself.

  ‘Nope. No hard sell. You’ve got a problem. We can offer a solution. Up to you if you take it.’

  He looked down at his file.

  ‘Sister’s wedding, correct? And it’s in a week?’

  Charlie sighed.

  ‘Yeah, maybe that’s a little short notice-’

  ‘No, I’m sure we can find you a stand-in girlfriend for the big day. We have a whole roster of actors who could play this role.’

  Charlie felt relief. She’d been uncertain about this whole plan, but Gary had a way about him. He inspired confidence that he could get the job done.

  ‘And she’ll be answering to Lucy, I see.’

  ‘Yeah, it’s… It’s a long story.’

  Gary waived his hand dismissively.

  ‘I’ve heard them all. Don’t worry about that, it’s not that unusual.’

  He looked down at his file and Charlie realised she was going to have to ask a question. A very superficial question. She cleared her throat and Gary looked up expectantly.

  ‘I was just, errm… I was just wondering if I could request someone… I mean, whoever you choose, I’d sort of like it if they could be-’

  ‘Hot?’ asked Gary casually.

  Charlie tried to laugh, only somewhat successfully.

  ‘Well… yeah. If it’s not too much trouble.’

  He leaned down and opened his bottom desk drawer.

  ‘I’ve got some options ready, all attractive women in the right age range, all experienced at same-sex engagements. You can just peruse these headshots and choose the one you like.’

  Charlie took the stack of head shots and began to shuffle through. They were all gorgeous. She could have picked one out with her eyes closed and not been disappointed. But as she sifted through the pictures, one face in particular stood out. She was an exotic creature, with skin of olive and hair of caramel. Charlie thought she’d look great on her arm.

  She held up the sheet for Gary to see.

  ‘Can I have this one?’

  Chapter Four

  It was the morning of the wedding at Maddie’s house and mildly panicky prep was in full swing. Charlie was standing in front of the mirror, fiddling with the new bridesmaids dress she was wearing, a crimson creation that was a lot more suited to her complexion.

  She’d gone back to the dress shop a few days ago without much hope that they’d be able to find something suitable at such short notice. She’d thought that in all likelihood,
she’d just have to accept that she was stuck in the salmon dress. But the gods were clearly smiling on Charlie Black that day, because the sales assistant had taken a quick assessment of her body and said ‘How about this?’ and pulled out a beautiful dress that also happened to be on sale. That had been a serious boon, because Charlie had insisted to Maddie that if she were going to have another dress, she’d pay for it herself. And she’d already had to fork out a fee to ‘Rent-a-Date’, leaving her a bit depleted.

  As she looked in the mirror, Charlie was also pleased to note that the new dress complimented her figure in a way that the other dress hadn’t managed. Charlie was skinny, she always had been, but she was looking at an actual cleavage in the mirror right now. It was a sartorial miracle. Everything is working out, Charlie told herself. I have the dress and I have the date.

  But the thought of the date was a little more troublesome than the dress. The dress was evidently gorgeous. So too was the date, as well as an apparent professional with the experience to make Charlie look good. It wasn’t really a question of that. Charlie was mostly concerned that she herself was going to be the one to cock this all up. That she’d say something that would make it obvious that she didn’t really know this woman. And even if she managed to avoid saying something outright stupid, there was still a bigger challenge than simply getting found out. She’d told her family that Lucy was essentially wife material. They needed to be in sync, her and stand-in Lucy. She wasn’t sure that was something you could buy.

  But Gary had assured her that the actress, whose real name was Yasmin, would take care of that. She’d be able to pick up on cues from Charlie, shape herself to fit the situation. ‘We don’t just hire beautiful people’ Gary said. ‘These actors are smart and socially skilled.’ So Charlie felt that Yasmin would probably kill it today. But could she do the same?

  ‘Good choice on that dress, Charlie’ said Paige from behind her.